🇫🇷👂Inside Real Spoken French + Program Pricing

Bonjour!

Here's everything you need to know about the programme coming out next week, French: Subtitles OFF.

To start us off, here's the intro to next week's lesson:

Yes, You Can Understand Spoken French

I know, right now it probably feels as doable as convincing a French train driver facing a paycut to not go on strike.

Sentences sound like one long unbroken word...

French people don't stick to the English Conversation Speed Limit...

They often don't use the words you were taught and, when they do, they pronounce them completely differently...

But you shouldn't blame yourself — here's why:

1. Real spoken French and school French are almost two different languages, and most schools & apps only teach the latter (for some obscure reason). If your goal is to understand living, breathing French people, chances are you've been taught the wrong language.
2. Most teaching methods are text-based, but conversations are pure sound. Even when apps include audio, they show you the spelling at the same time — so your brain naturally takes the easy route: it reads more than it listens, and your ears don't get nearly as much practice as you might think. Imagine learning to swim while clutching the pool's edge...

Let me bring this to life for you. Here are three concrete examples that'll make you wonder if French people are secretly pranking everyone:

1. Standard Spelling vs Honest Spelling

Did you know? Going on strike is such a central part of French culture that even French letters do it:

• What you see: "les oiseaux" (the birds)
• What you hear: lé-zwa-zo 🤪

That was textbook pronunciation, by the way. Real, everyday pronunciation goes one step further:

• Sentence: Je ne sais pas ce qu'il faisait ("I don't know what he was doing")
• What TV newscasters say: je-ne-sè-pa-se-kil-fe-zé (8 syllables)
• What your neighbours say: shè-pa-ski-vzè (4 syllables 😈)

Some of your neighbours may switch to "TV newscaster speak" when in front of a camera or when speaking to you only. But even TV newscasters drop this formal pronunciation the moment they're off air.

PS - Merci, mes parents, for those endless drives through Greece. Without that perfect blend of teenage boredom and a blank notebook, I might never have come up with 'Honest Spelling'.

2. Library French vs Living French

It's not just pronunciation. Here's how to say "What should Paul and I bring for the pre-dinner drinks?" in two languages 😉:

• Formal French: Que devons-nous amener pour l'apéritif, Paul et moi?
• Normal French: Paul et moi, on doit amener quoi pour l'apéro?

Here, because it's written, you can go back and forth and take time to think. But imagine hearing that phrase unexpectedly in a fast-moving conversation, when words disappear the second they were uttered...

3. Immaculate Fiction vs Messy Reality:

Finally, here's another way writing deceives us: those handy spaces between words?Pure fiction. They don't exist in speaking. Want proof? Read aloud the sentence below with a 1-sec pause between each word:

I. Am. A. Robot. From. An. Old. Science. Fiction. Movie. And. Listening. To. Your. Smoke. Detector's. Low. Battery. Beep. Is. More. Enjoyable.

No, listening to spoken French feels more like this:

That's the thing about spaces – they conveniently tell us where words start and finish. Without them, the only way to make out individual words in an uninterrupted flow of French sounds... is to know them by ear.

Don't cancel your plans in France just yet

Thanks to my secret learning technique that will make you fluent in just 30 days, you will...

Just kidding.

Fluency doesn't happen in thirty days. And there aren't any secrets. Only common sense:

1. Learn the words we actually use.
2. Train your ear on their real pronunciation.

Let's be clear: unlike some online programmes promising 'fun and easy' lessons, I won't sugarcoat it - this isn't easy. 'Easy' is like refined sugar - sweet and addictive, but empty calories.

Like my mum says, eat your veggies first. Walking to the market, picking the freshest ones, and turning them into a meal might not be easy... but you may actually find joy in the process.

And the long-term health benefits are worth it. When you understand real spoken French without subtitles, some remarkable things happen:

• Learning to speak gets a whole lot easier and more natural, because your ear has internalised the patterns and grammar rules of the language. Instead of being stuck in your head computing complicated "subordinating conjunctions", you get that sixth sense that makes native speakers say, "I don't know why, but it just sounds right/wrong".
• You get to enjoy French films and shows, picking up cultural knowledge and references along the way... instead of risking to become, as intercultural communication expert Milton J. Bennett puts it, 'a fluent fool'.
• You feel more confident having interactions because you know you'll understand the reply
• You even get to understand group conversations and feel truly embedded in French life... instead of feeling like you're stuck in your own little bubble, disconnected from people.

In other words, you get to enjoy life with the locals, not just next to them.

And that is why I do what I do. To help you walk the path I walked when I moved to the UK and struggled to connect with people... but more smoothly, while avoiding the mistakes I made.

Follow my mum's advice. If you're anything like me, you'll be glad you did.

As an apéritif (it also means "appetizer"), here's the topic of the first few lessons:

☀️ Weather Phrases (but why?)

Instead of getting overwhelmed by rapid-fire French, let's start with something manageable and meaningful: weather phrases. They're ideal because they're:

1. Practical: Commonly used in everyday life, so you learn useful words
2. Social: Great icebreakers as they're about shared lived experiences and perfect for practising with neighbours, since responses are predictable
3. Blueprint: They use simple patterns that help your brain grasp the big picture, making future grammar and conjugation much easier to understand
4. Real Pronunciation: They provide a smooth introduction to the most commonly-used pronunciation quirks and word shortenings that schools don't teach
5. Fun: Weather phrases contain lots of colourful idioms that give insights into French culture, like "it's raining like a cow pissing" (and they say we speak the language of romance... 😂)

Now, picture this scene:

You're relaxing at a café terrace, taking in the sunlight, the delicious drink and the bits of conversations buzzing around you. The French person at the table next to you glances over and says...

[to be continued...]
To be released on Tuesday, March 4th, at:
🏄🕟 PST 4:30 am (West Coast)
🦬🕠 MST 5:30 am (Mountain)
🌽🕡 CST 6:30 am (Central)
🏃🕢 EST 7:30 am (East Coast)
💂‍♂️🕧 UK 12.30 pm (Utterly East Coast)
🥖🕜 French time: 13h30 (on my 2h30 lunch break)
🐋🕣 AWST 8:30 pm (perthect timing)
🦘🕦 AEDT 11:30 pm (careful — drop bears' favourite snack time)
🥝🕜 NZT 1:30 am next day (always late, you guys)

Flash Lesson: "stéréotypes" is actually a French word.

Note: there are no live sessions, these are the release dates and times of on-demand content - you can access it at any time.

Can't wait? I'm in the middle of writing the lessons, send me good thoughts!

Programme Details

Who's it for? 👀

I'm designing the programme specifically for English speakers dreaming of their French retirement or already enjoying it.

Whatever your level is in reading, speaking and writing, each lesson will bring you closer to being able to understand real spoken French — without subtitles.

What's in the box? 📦

In each lesson, I'll include:

• Words and phrases we actually use in everyday life so your learning is useful outside the classroom
• Breakdowns of how we actually pronounce them so you can understand real people, not just wig-wearing aristocrats (and well-meaning but textbook-bound teachers)
• Practical grammar explanations when necessary - without the textbook jargon
• Ear Training Tapes so you can catch those words in natural speaking situations, effortlessly.

Lessons format:

• Written guides like this one
• Pre-recorded video tutorials going through the written guide
• Short audio files for pronunciation
• Long audio files for the Ear Training Tapes

The Learning Path 🗺️

We'll start with the most common words and phrases so your learning is immediately useful. If you're like me, you know there's nothing quite like the moment when you realise you've just understood a whole sentence without subtitles! These small wins add up and boost confidence, making learning even more enjoyable and motivating.

Step by step, we'll move on to more complex words and structures so you can understand people in any situation.

All the while, the difficulty progression will be very incremental to ensure you're never lost.

The Nuts & Bolts 🔧

I will create 1-2 lessons a week, as video tutorials and written guides that you can access anytime - perfect for learning when your mind is fresh and ready to absorb new material. You'll be able to pause, rewind, and practice as much as you need, ensuring you truly master each concept before moving on.

Now let's talk about the Great Taboo Topic in France: money 🤫

One-on-One Sessions

$520/month - Weekly 1h sessions around your interests + Daily practice material tailor-made from each one of our conversations (currently fully booked - apply for the waitlist here)

French: Subtitles OFF

All prices are in euros, and you'll see the amount in your local currency before you pay. Here are the different options:

Tailored - €250/month
Get full lessons + full Ear Training Tapes + Personalised learning schedule that adapts to how easy or tricky every single word is to you + Tell me which words you want to learn and I'll create custom Ear Trainers for you - up to 100 words/month. Limited spots.

Note: For the next tiers, if you subscribe in the next few weeks, you'll get a special price to thank you for your trust. After that, prices will increase as the lesson library grows. You'll keep the price you started with for as long as you stay subscribed.

Doer - €82 €65/month
Turn your knowledge into skill and start to understand real spoken French, without thinking. Get full lessons + full Ear Training Tapes. Perfect when you're ready for lasting transformation... and ~20 minutes of daily practice 😉

Learner - €27 €17/month
Learn how we really speak - pronunciation quirks, everyday vocabulary, and practical grammar (no grammar jargon required). Get full lessons + a short preview of Ear Training Tapes so you can go beyond mere knowledge.

Free Tier
Can't commit for now? I'll always offer free lessons. Get the foundation for each lesson - you'll still learn a ton!

Voilà! Still reading? I'm flattered. That was a lot. You know what, let's end on something light and pleasant. Picture this:

At the local café, you catch snippets of conversation from the regulars' table. Something about Madame Martin's renovations... You hide a smile in your coffee cup - the daily village life is finally making sense.

If you have any questions about the programme, feel free to reply to this email.

Bonne journée, à bientôt!
Valentin