Struggling? Feeling frustrated?

📌 Intro note: you don't have to read this in its entirety. Stop when it feels right. You'll get many opportunities to read it again.

Pssst! Sometimes rational arguments don't cut it. Sometimes you need something stronger. Click here.

I once saw a cute toddler fall one too many times and throw her hands in the air and say, "Well, I'm no good at this. I guess I just don't have the walking gene."

Jokes aside — most of us were never taught how to learn, but we've sure had plenty of opportunities to pick up bad reflexes.

For example, what happened when we did something badly at school?

Everybody said, "Hey, to get good at something, you first need to do it badly, so this means you're on your way to doing it better, just get back up and keep working on it!"

Just kidding. We got a bad grade.

Repeat that for 10+ years and you'll be lucky if you don't end up associating mistakes with shame.

This leads us to avoid challenge and chase what's easy. And modern life is chock-full of digital candies and easy wins to reinforce that habit.

Problem: 'easy' is like refined sugar — sweet and addictive, but empty calories. In the context of learning, 'easy' makes you feel productive in the moment, but rarely leads to lasting progress.

So if you found the clip confusing — good. That’s the point. This is a lesson, not an exam. I choose each clip precisely because it includes things your ear hasn’t adapted to yet — so struggling is exactly what should happen at first.

It would be odd if you suddenly understood words you've never trained your ear on!

Struggle is how you build real skill. Think about it: learning means becoming comfortable doing something that used to feel uncomfortable. That requires stepping outside your comfort zone — which, by definition, never feels quite… comfortable.

It's like cooking from scratch: it's not as quick, easy, or comfortable as heating up a ready meal, but it’s far more nourishing.

That doesn't mean real learning can't be enjoyable. You can find joy in the process —walking to the market, picking the freshest veggies, and turning them into a meal— simply by allowing yourself to slow down, and take your time.

My mum used to bore me saying, "Eat your veggies." It took me a while, but I'm glad I finally listened.

Follow her advice. If you're anything like me, you'll be glad you did.

😡 What About Frustration?

As reasonable as all of that sounds, sometimes we just can't help but feel frustrated. We're human after all. Which begs the question...

How should we deal with feelings of frustration when they arise?

I have counterintuitive advice: Leave them be.

Anglo-American cultures place a strong emphasis on controlling emotions. But trying to control frustration —even with things like meditation— often just leads to more frustration.

Try the laissez-faire approach instead: simply allow frustration to run its course.

Frustration is a normal, healthy part of learning. In moderate quantities, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol jolt your nervous system awake. They tell your brain: “We’re trying to do something but we’re struggling — please help us by making new neural connections.”

Of course, too much frustration isn't helpful. Think of it like nature's energy drink for your brain: the right amount sharpens focus; too much makes everything jittery. The laissez-faire approach helps you stay in the Goldilocks zone — because the more you fight frustration, the more it grows: What you resist, persists.

So let it be. That frustration is your brain saying: “I’m working on it.”

🧟 What About The Inner Critic?

There's a big caveat to everything I just wrote.

Sometimes, a single failure can set off a cascade of negative voices in our head.

"Well, you were never any good. And you'll never be any good."

"Who did you think you are?"

"You suck..."

When that happens, remind yourself:

1. The voice in your head is not you. You are listening to that voice — that's you: the listener. The voice is a Frankenstein's monster, stitched together from all the disapproving looks, all the unsupportive managers or teachers or parents or "friends". We need to treat it like what it is: an ignorant heckler looking to cause some trouble. Let it bark. It has no teeth. Then reply, "Thanks for your input. I'll work on my dreams anyway."
2. The heckler doesn't respond well to smart questions. "You just can't learn anything. You're stupid" → Ask the heckler, "Why do you say that?". When pressed to bring significant evidence, it's amazing how silent the voice becomes.

👶 The Toddler: A Role Model

The toddler fell comically, face-first, on the floor. She propped herself back up with a large smile, as if she was delighted to have stumbled upon yet another way not to walk. Pun intended.

In awe to see such resilience, I had a realisation:

We've all been toddlers before. So the instinct to prop ourselves back up after a fall, with a smile, is in us. It may be buried under years of, well, life, but it's still there.

There's an unlearning curve, since in many schools, workplaces or families, struggling = "you are not good enough" and sometimes we've internalised that message. But here, mistakes are not just welcomed — they're required.

Here, we fail, fail again, fail better.

So, here, you have an opportunity to fail forward.

Or, should I say, to fall forward 😆